The Dream Destroyer

Self doubt is one of the most awful feelings in the world, but it's also an amazing indicator as to what you care about .For years whilst doing jobs that I had no interest in, I never ever experienced self doubt. Mainly because I didn't give 2 hoots about whatever it was I was doing at the time. But since throwing myself into makeup full time it creeps up on me now and again and it's an absolute killer. It's usually when I've done a liquid eyeliner that I don't think is perfect enough or when somebody doesn't reply to my message or when I've spent hours looking at other amazing artists on Instagram, comparing myself and pulling myself to pieces. 

By the time I've finished terrorising myself I'm all but ready to throw my entire kit in the bin and go back to a 9-5 job! (My worst nightmare). And then at the last moment, just as I’m about to set fire to my brushes, I stop....and breathe...and begin to build myself back up again. 

In my journey so far as a makeup Artist I have had some pretty big setbacks, but for some reason I’ve never quit. And I spend a lot of time pretending I'm Sandy in Grease 'My head is saying fool, forget heart is saying, don’t let gooooooo.’  But what it all comes down to is that I can't even imagine wanting to do ANYTHING else, I love doing makeup and I know it's all I ever want to do for the rest of my life so I don't really have an option....I have to give myself a huge kick up the arse!

I look through pictures of my work and see how far I've come. I message my friends and ask them if what I'm doing is okay. I turn to my boyfriend who can always be relied on to give me a good talking to! And most importantly I have a word with myself. I remember why I'm doing this - because it's the only thing I've ever had an interest in, because I want to help make people feel beautiful, because it's the first and last thing I think about every day and because no matter what has stood in my way before, I've always carried on regardless. Why would I be doing all of that if this isn't what I'm supposed to be doing ? 

After a good ten minutes of reassuring myself and a few kind words from my loved ones, I’m right back up on the top of the world. I’ve realised that over the years, for things to become a reality, you have to believe in them. The most unbelievable things have become real because people believed in themselves. I’m not being funny but if Donald bloody Trump can be president of the United States ( I'm not saying that's a good thing obviously) than there is zero reason why any of us can’t be what we want to be!

Self doubt is always going to be there, in all areas of life. But instead of letting it scare and undermine you, the key is to see it as a sign of how important and how much you care about, whatever it is your doubting yourself over. Don't let it destroy your dreams. Put it to the back of the queue and focus all your energy on believing in yourself. Positive beats Negative, every single time. 

The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.
— Sylvia Plath